Wedding Karaoke

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Earlier this week, I discussed the differences between a wedding reception and a party. It may seem like a semantics game, however, there is a difference between the two. Receptions are very traditional events, whereas wedding parties are a little freer. One thing that you would never see at a wedding reception but would see at a wedding party is karaoke.

I actually attended a wedding that had karaoke and it was a lot of fun! I think what made it fun was how the karaoke was incorporated into the day so it didn’t take over or disrupt the rest of the events.

The first person to sing was the Best Man. His use of karaoke was brilliant – his toast ended with the statement, “I hope that you two always…stay together.” As soon as he said that, the music began and he burst into song with Al Green’s “Let’s stay together.”

There were a few more speeches where no one sang and then the bride’s father sang Stevie Wonder’s “You are the sunshine of my life.” (There wasn't a dry eye in the house.) The “set” ended with the bride and groom singing “Summer Lovin’” by Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta. What made it fun was their inability to really sing well...they were just being goofy and having fun with it, which made everyone laugh. It set a great mood for the rest of the evening.

After the bride and groom sang, the DJ/MC announced that karaoke would be open to anyone who wanted to sing for the bride and groom at the end of dinner from 8:00pm to 8.30pm and after the cake cutting ceremony from 9:30pm to 10:00pm. I thought this was a great way to set the expectation for the karaoke - it was made very clear when people were invited to sing and it was scheduled during times when there’s typically a lull in the action.

So, what do you do if your Best Man doesn’t sing, you’re terrified of singing in public, and no one giving toasts is too in to it? You can stage the karaoke a bit by finding guests who do like to sing and asking them to perform during dinner...after that, you can follow as similar plan as mentioned above.

Wedding karaoke isn’t for everyone, but if think that you would would enjoy having this kind of entertainment at your wedding party, I encourage you to do it! It’s a lot of fun and it makes the wedding video all the more enjoyable to watch.

What do you think?

Wedding "After Party"

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Another recent trend in weddings is the “After Party.” Since most wedding receptions are only about four hours and are chock full of events (toasts, dances, cake cutting, etc.) most couples feel like they don’t have a lot of time to spend with their friends and family members. To address the “not enough time at the reception” issue, many couples are having “After Parties” as a way to extend the wedding celebration. I think this idea is a great way to have a more personal gathering while extending your wedding day. Plus, the exhibitionist in me loves the idea of brides being seen in their gowns outside the traditional “wedding day” events. Imagine being at a martini bar with your friends and seeing a bride and groom walk in with a few friends in tow…I would love it.

There are a few different kinds of After Parties:

1) Meeting at a bar where everyone pays his/her own bill
2) Meeting at a bar hosted by the bride and the groom
3) Private room at a bar, restaurant, or hotel with an open bar
4) Private room at a bar, restaurant, or hotel with a cash bar
5) Added events (band, DJ, dessert bar, martini bar, darts, pool tables, karaoke)
Obviously, the main differences between these options are cost and time spent planning. Once you determine your budget and you decide how much time you want to invest in planning, the rest of your decisions should be fairly easy.

Who to Invite
This is the easiest part - whoever is invited to the reception should be welcome to attend. I’m sure a lot of couples want this event to be more intimate, but unless you are only limiting the After Party to only the bridal party, you should not exclude anyone. Chances are those who you wouldn’t normally hang out with won’t show up for long, if at all. Being with only “your people” is not worth the risk hurting people’s feelings by not inviting them.

Communicate the Cost
Regardless of who’s paying, make sure it’s clearly communicated to all who are invited. It’s that simple!

Where to Go
Unless you’re feeling extremely adventurous, I would recommend going to a location that you have been to before so you know what to expect. Once you have an idea of where to go, make sure that it’s close to the reception location. You don’t want your guests traveling 20 miles to your favorite out of the way bar. Keep in mind that a few of your guests may have already had a few cocktails at the reception, so you may want to find a venue that is in walking distance or reasonably accessible by cabs.

Take Pictures
If you cannot afford to have your photographer or videographer document the After Party, be sure to purchase a few disposable cameras and pass them out. (Just make sure you place someone responsible in charge of collecting all of the cameras at the end of the night.)

I look forward to hearing about some future After Parties!

Mini Wedding Menu

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My friend, Keith, is getting married next year. He read yesterday’s blog and sent me an email challenge. He said that the wedding tasting menu that I came up with sounded great, but he would like to see something a little more “manly” on his wedding menu. Well, Keith, you’re in luck!

Another trend in wedding food is finger food. Actually, I’m noticing this trend everywhere lately. I can’t think of many restaurants that don’t have a “slider burger” or something similar on their menu. Whether it’s gourmet finger food or the “mini food rage,” I have some suggestions for a fun mini wedding menu:

· Brushetta
· Cheese cubes
· Chicken or steak kabobs (who doesn’t love meat on a stick?)
· Chicken strips
· Finger sandwiches
· Fresh Oysters
· Fried calamari
· Gourmet fish sticks
· Mini cheeseburgers (I know you saw that coming a mile away)
· Mini chili cheese dogs (in miniature version, they’re considered upscale, go figure!)
· Mini cocktail wieners
· Mini cold cucumber sandwiches
· Mini corn dogs
· Mini grilled cheese sandwiches
· Mini hot dogs
· Mini peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
· Mushroom tartlets
· One bite nachos
· Peapod with shrimp skewers
· Pork or chicken Asian dumplings
· Potato skins
· Single bite pepperoni and pineapple pizzas
· Sushi rolls
· Swedish meatballs
· Toasted ravioli
· Tortilla roll ups

As you can see, there’s no limit to your wedding menu! Be creative and make sure that you select things that you like and that reflect your personality. Keith, the mini chili cheese dog has your name written all over it!

What do you think?

Tasting Menus

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It takes me an eternity to order food in a restaurant. Very rarely am I able to make a snap decision about what to order. I’m not indecisive in other areas of my life, just when ordering food. I have too many choices on the menu or not enough; everything sounds great or nothing sounds appetizing; I’m unfamiliar with a particular type of cuisine and afraid to try something new because the last time I got sick for two days, etc. Often, I don’t want to commit to an entire plate of one flavor no matter how great the flavor may be. To compensate for my lack of ordering decisiveness, I usually try to get my friends to order appetizers for dinner so we can sample different things, go for tapas, or I’ll ask my boyfriend to split entrees. Naturally, I’m also a fan of testing menus.

A recent trend in weddings is to have a tasting menu as opposed to a traditional full course meal. Tasting menus offer smaller portions of several dishes as a single meal. Typically entrees are chosen thematically and highlight a type of cuisine or they take advantage of fresh seasonal ingredients.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Following is an example of a tasting menu taken from Michael’s Catering in Phoenix, Arizona.

First Course
Lobster Ravioli in Chardonnay-Tomato & Mussel Ragout
Chalone Estate, Chardonnay, 2000

Second Course
“French Onion” Braised Beef Short Rib Cannelloni with Taleggio Cheese
(Continue First Course Wine Selection)

Third Course
Cinnamon Roast Duck & Foie Gras on Sweet Potato & Apple Tarte Tatin Alehery Summit, Premier Cuvee Pinot Noir, 1999

Fourth Course
Aged Balsamic Roast Beef Tenderloin on “Potato-Mushroom Risotto” & Porcini Sauce
Arrowood Merlot, Sonoma, 1998

Fifth Course
Almond & Cranberry Brioche Bread Pudding & Amaretto Ice Cream
Enola Hills Late Harvest, Sauvignon Blanc N/V

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Wow, I’m getting hungry just reading that! Keep in mind that your menu doesn’t have to be as sophistic as the one above. You can select a variety of options that appeal to you.

For example, off the top of my head, here’s a menu with some of my favorite dishes:

First Course
Butter leaf lettuce with walnuts, grilled chicken, and strawberries with a poppy seed dressing
Prosecco

Second Course
Steamed chicken Asian dumplings, served with peanut sauce
Rodney Strong, Chardonnay

Third Course
Rissotto with peas, prosciutto, and mushrooms
Kris, Pinot Gringo

Fourth Course
3 oz beef filet and sweet potato french fries
Orogeny, Pinot Noir

Fifth Course
Tiramisu
Cappuccino


See? It’s easy to put a tasting menu together – all you need is a little creativity and a flexible caterer.

So, what does your tasting menu look like?

Are you Planning a Wedding Reception or a Party?

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While wedding receptions and wedding parties both adhere to a schedule, wedding receptions are far more traditional. Wedding receptions follow a conventional schedule whereas parties are a little more fluid. Receptions focus on customary events that occur in a time-honored linear path succession whereas wedding parties are much more open.

After the wedding ceremony, most wedding receptions follow this traditional schedule:
1) Guests arrive at location
2) Cocktail hour while wedding party has photographs taken
3) Guests are seated
4) Bride and groom arrive and are announced
5) Champaign toasts
6) Meal
7) First dance
8) Dancing
9) Cake cutting
10) Dancing
11) Bridal Bouquet and garter toss
12) The couple leaves for their honeymoon destination

A wedding party would look more like this:
1) Bride and groom greet guests at location
(They saw each other before the ceremony and had their pictures taken so they are able to be there when guests arrive)
2) Cocktail hour
3) Champaign toasts
4) Tasting Menu
5) Cake cutting
6) Choreographed first dance
7) Bridal bouquet dance
8) Karaoke
9) The couple and a few invited guests go to an “After Party”

I’ve already discussed a few elements of the wedding party, including seeing each other before the ceremony, choreographed first dances, and the bridal bouquet giveaway.

Stay tuned this week to learn more about tasting menus, the after party and (yeah baby!) wedding karaoke…

Specialty Dance Songs

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A lot of people refuse to participate in “specialty” dance songs because they’re afraid to look foolish. The truth is we all look ridiculous when doing these dances. No one is immune from it - I don’t care how James Bond debonair a man looks in his tuxedo, it’s impossible to be suave when doing the Chicken Dance. And you know what? It's okay.

I have a confession. I love these songs! I think they’re great way for people to loosen up and have a little fun. Yeah yeah, you don’t want to look dumb. Get over it! Recapture some of the silly spontaneity of childhood. Think back to when you were a child… did you are care how you looked when you ran as fast as you could? Did you care about how you looked when you were playing tag? Did it even enter your mind that your hair was getting messed up when you rode your bike? How about jumping on a trampoline…I know I didn’t care about my form – I just wanted to see how high I could jump.

It seems that when we grow out of childhood, we lose that unabashed joy in being caught up in a moment. We become more concerned about our image and what other people will think of us than we do about simply having fun.

Whether you’re planning or attending a wedding, I cannot encourage you enough to seize the opportunity to get up and dance as if no one is looking when you hear these songs:

· Bunny Hop
· Can’t Touch This
· Conga
· Electric Slide
· Hand Jive
· Hokey Pokey
· I'm Too Sexy
· Locomotion
· Macarena
· Play That Funky Music
· Shout
· The Chicken Dance
· The Electric Slide
· The Hokey Pokey
· The Twist
· Thriller
· Walk Like an Egyptian
· YMCA

These songs give us permission to act silly, laugh at ourselves, and have some fun. Go ahead and shed your adult inhibitions and reclaim that joy of childhood! I double dog dare ya!

This is My Message to You-ou-ou

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If you’re truly clairvoyant (or have been reading my blogs this week), then you’ve probably already guessed that today’s topic has to do with wedding songs.

If I were going by a truly linear thought process, the next topic would be interlude music, however, I’m not covering interlude music. I am skipping ahead to the reception music.

Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of interlude music. I think this has to do with my juvenile tendencies. Every time there is a pause in a wedding ceremony for the interlude music, I get the giggles. I can’t help it (I have tried!). I can’t help but snicker when the “action” stops for a song. It seems so contrived…things are moving along and then suddenly, the wedding officiate steps aside, music begins to swell, and the bride and groom are left standing there staring awkwardly at each other. It’s just so unnatural. I mean, really, how often during your day do you stop what you’re doing to listen to a song? I can’t recall the last meeting I attended where everything halted so we could look at each other and ponder the words to “Wind Beneath My Wings.”

So, yeah, I’m skipping the interlude music and going straight to the music at the reception.

If you’re not tied to a certain genre already, I would highly recommend reggae. A DJ friend of mine mentioned this to me years ago as great “filler” music. The music lover in me considers reggae more than just filler.

In addition to its contagious musical attributes, Reggae is based in a strong spiritual foundation that carries a message of love, hope, tolerance and unity. It’s one of the few musical genres that appeals to audiences of all ages; it transcends age, race, and economic demographics – it simply speaks to our souls. Its 4/4 time rhythmic pattern has a calming and somewhat hypnotic effect…it’s almost impossible not to smile and tap your foot or move your body to the music.

“When music transcends the boundaries of art and becomes a lifestyle then to call it great would be an utter disrespect. The unapologetic ingenuity and absolute class of Reggae Music certainly makes it worthy of being termed Magical.” - Stanley Thompson

I can understand if some brides are hesitant to take my advice, but trust me on this one and don’t worry ‘bout a thing, ‘cause every little thing gonna be all right.

Bridal Procession Music

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Yesterday’s post was about wedding prelude music, so naturally, today I’d like to discuss the bride's procession music. (This is the music that’s played the bride walks down the aisle.)

One of the most popular melodies for a bride’s entrance and walk down the aisle is “Bridal Chorus” from German composer Richard Wagner’s opera Lohengrin. Most of us know the song as “Here Comes the Bride” or “The Wedding March.”

I can appreciate the traditional tie that many brides have to this music and it is a clearly decipherable cue for guests that the bride is going to make her grand entrance. I don’t know if it’s because I spent most of my Saturday mornings watching cartoons, but every time I hear the melody I think of the following lyrics:

Here comes the bride, all fat and wide
Look at her wiggle from side to side
Here comes the bride, all fat and wide
Ten pounds of mince meat walking by his side

I know those aren’t the true lyrics and no matter how much I try to stop myself, that is what I repeat in my head when I hear the melody. If any future brides suffer this same predicament, I have compiled a list of 50 alternative songs and melodies that you can play while walking down the aisle. Some are traditional, others not so much. Remember, it’s your day and you get to choose that best represents you and your partner:

1. "Air" (from Water Music Suite), (George F. Handel)
2. "All I Have to Do Is Dream" - The Everly Brothers
3. "Appalachia Waltz" (Yo-Yo Ma, Edgar Meyer, Mark O'Connor)
4. "At Last" (Etta James)
5. "Best of My Love" (The Emotions)
6. "Canon in D" (Johann Pachelbel)
7. "Canzon V" (Giovanni Gabrieli)
8. "Coronation March for Czar Alexander III" (Peter I. Tchaikovsky)
9. "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" - Queen
10. "Flatbush Waltz" (Andy Statman)
11. "Have I Told You Lately" (Van Morrison)
12. "I Can't Stop Loving You" (Ray Charles)
13. "Overture" (from Royal Fireworks Music), (George Frederic Handel)
14. "Procession of Joy" (Hal Hopson)
15. "Promenade" (from Pictures at an Exhibition), (Modest Mussorgsky)
16. "Rigaudon" (Andre Campra)
17. "Romeo and Juliet Love Theme" (Tchaikovsky)
18. "Sinfonia" (from Cantata No. 156), (Johann S. Bach)
19. "Sonatas for Organ, Op. 65, No. 3 (con moto maestoso)," (Felix Mendelssohn)
20. "Spring" (from The Four Seasons), (Antonio Vivaldi)
21. "Sunrise, Sunset" (from Fiddler on the Roof), (Sheldon Harnick & Jerry Bock)
22. "Te Deum" (Marc-Antoine Charpentier)
23. "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" (Roberta Flack)
24. "The Look of Love" (Dionne Warwick/Burt Bacharach)
25. "The Prince of Denmark's March" (Jeremiah Clarke)
26. "The Vow" (Jeremy Lubbock)
27. "To A Wild Rose" (Edward MacDowell)
28. "Toccata" (from L'Orfeo), (Claudio Monteverdi)
29. "Trumpet Tune in A-Major" (David N. Johnson)
30. "Trumpet Tune" (Henry Purcell)
31. "Trumpet Voluntary" (Jeremiah Clarke)
32. "Unchained Melody" - The Righteous Brothers
33. "Wedding Processional" (from The Sound of Music), (Richard Rodgers & Oscar Hammerstein)
34. "When I Fall In Love" (Nat King Cole)
35. "Winter," Largo, (from The Four Seasons), (Antonio Vivaldi)
36. "Wonderful Tonight" - Eric Clapton
37. “Baby, I love your way” (Big Mountain)
38. “Come What May” (Nicole Kidman And Ewan McGregor)
39. “Fly Me to the Moon” (Frank Sinatra)
40. “I Can't Help Falling In Love” (Elvis Presley)
41. “In My Life” (The Beatles)
42. “Let’s Stay Together" (Al Green)
43. “Someone to Watch Over Me" (Linda Ronstadt)
44. “Still in Love With You" (Al Green)
45. “Time in a Bottle” (Jim Croce)
46. “Unforgettable” (Nat King Cole)
47. “What a Wonderful World” (Louis Armstrong)
48. “When A Man Loves A Woman” (Percy Sledge)
49. “Your Song” (Ewan McGregor or Elton John)
50. The Four Seasons (Handel)

Personally, I’m a fan of “Canon in D” (probably because I haven't found some idiotic lyrics for it) and “Your Song,” (mostly the one Ewan McGregor because it's an awesome version and yeah, he's damn hot) with but that’s just me. What do you think?

Prelude Music

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The first thought that usually comes to mind when hearing “wedding music” is the song played for couple’s first dance as husband and wife. While I agree that song choice for this event is extremely important, I don’t want to focus on that today. There’s more to wedding music than just the first dance song.

Music is an extremely power way communicating a message. Unlike any other medium, it has the ability to influence your mood. Think of your favorite song and recall how you feel when you hear that song. Is there a song that makes you sad or wistful? What about songs that remind you of a past friend or lover? Or what about that song that makes you want to get up and dance every time you hear it? These are a few examples of how songs affect us.

Music can instantly create an ambiance. By carefully selecting the right music, you can set the mood you want for each event during your wedding. Let’s look at the music that you select for the wedding ceremony prelude. (This is what will be played prior to the ceremony while your guests are still arriving.)

Think about the different moods would you create by playing these lists of songs:

“As Time Goes By”
“Fly Me to the Moon”
“Stardust”
“Night and Day”
“The Way You Look Tonight”
“Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered”

vs.

“Moonlight Sonata”
“Ode to Joy”
“Rhapsody in Blue”
“Minuet in G”
“Canon in D”
“Arioso”

vs.

Calypso music

If you want to communicate a traditional theme, then you may want to select songs from the second list above; however, if you want something a little more tropical, then calypso music would be a perfect selection. Don’t underestimate the ability music has to subtly and accurately set the tone for each moment of your wedding.

I’m curious – what was the last prelude music that you heard at a wedding and how did it set the tone for the day and affect your mood?

Scott Anderson Photography

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Today I have the pleasure of reviewing Scott Anderson, Photographer.

Scott specializes in wedding photography; however, he can also be booked for other events and family portraits. One of the things that I really like about Scott is his approach to photography: to provide his customers with a quality product at a great price.

His website is clean and sharp and it really showcases his work. I think you can tell a lot about a vendor by how they present themself virtually. I feel that when someone spends time and attention on their website, it indicates they pay attention to detail and care about making a first impression when conveying their visual message - these are qualities I want in a photographer!

Scott’s black and white photographs translate the light into specific densities, which allow him to capture the mood of the moment while subtly adding dramatic effect. I love the shot on the left:













His photographs are able to capture moments that communicate the essence of their meaning without excessively or overtly spelling things out:













And as far as his wedding photographs are concerned, I think part of the allure of his work is how he triggers the viewer's responses toward the idea of love without using contrived or overly used representations:










If you live in, or around, Southern California, I would recommend contacting Scott; his prices are fair and reasonable and his work is beautiful!

Mind, Body and Spirit

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One of the most stressful things about planning a wedding is the unknown…there’s only so much that you can anticipate. You cannot control the weather, how much Uncle Dennis will drink, or if the unthinkable happens and your DJ shows up drunk in sweats and flip flops (true story). So, how do you manage the unmanageable? You don’t.

I think one of the hardest lessons in planning anything (including life) is to learn to let go and be at peace with what life gives you. Easier said than done, I know. We hear about “letting go” all of the time, but what does that really mean?

Letting go is a conscious act to release your need to control every situation, person, place, or thing in your life. So, how do you do it? Follow these simple (hah!) steps:

1) Admit the obvious truth
You are not in control of everything. You cannot affect a change or correct a problem which is beyond your competency, power, authority or responsibility.

2) Allow yourself to be removed
Give yourself permission to not control. Tell yourself that it’s okay to not worry. You are not responsible for everything.

3) Give up the idea of perfection
No one and nothing is perfect. Get rid of that notion right now!

4) Be realistic
Truly evaluate what you can and cannot do.

5) Accept it
This is the hardest step. You’ve admitted that you are not in control, you’ve told yourself that you don’t have to do everything, you know you’re not perfect, and you’ve gotten “real” – that’s it, right? Nope…now you have to believe it!

The peace of mind and absolute happiness that comes from giving up the need to control everything is simply amazing. You will laugh more, break out less, have few body aches and pain, and best of all – you will actually be more fun to be around!

What do you have to lose, other than that knot in your stomach? Try these few simple steps and let me know how it works for you.

The Bar Question

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I spoke to my friend Heather today about her upcoming wedding in June of 2009. She had a question about how to handle having an open bar. The venue for her reception is a private club. She and her fiancé want to have an open bar so they can treat their friends and family but they also don’t want to break the bank in the process.

For the record, wedding etiquette hasn’t caught up with the times and a cash bar is deemed inappropriate. If you really care about being socially correct, then don’t go with a cash bar. If you are willing to bend some of the wedding etiquette rules (as I think all couples should), then have no reservations about having a no no-host bar.

Heather’s mother suggested having a cash bar and providing provide each guest with two drink tickets; this is a very common approach when dealing with a cash bar, but Heather feels the drink tickets are kind of tacky and she really doesn’t want to go that route.

My suggestion is to forgo the drink tickets and have a hosted cocktail hour and then a cash bar (better termed a no-host bar) after that. This way, Heather and Deric can treat their friends and family to a drink or two at the beginning of the evening and not break the bank because Uncle Fred wants to have 7 shots of Patron.

If you chose to have a strict cash bar, your guests will probably realize the reason is financial. While they may say they understand, they will think it is “cheap” of you to make them pay for their own drinks. A great way to combat this perception is to use the element of surprise. State “cash bar” on the reception enclosure, but pay for a couple of bottles of wine per table and maybe even a keg of your favorite beer (mmm a keg of Guinness). If you do this, you will actually dissuade the focus of the cash bar because you are treating your guests to beer and wine.

A friend of mine actually did all of the above. She had a budget of $1000.00 for alcohol so she and her fiancé hosted a cocktail hour at the beginning of the reception, paid for a keg of beer, and placed 2 bottles of wine on each table. Everything else was a cash bar and you know what? Not a single person complained.

Regardless of what you decide to do, it's important to keep two things in mind:

1.) It's your day
Do what's best for you and your fiancé. Everyone at your wedding loves you and wants the best for you - no matter what you decide, they will understand.

2.) Communicate your decision
As long as the expectation is set upfront, there shouldn't be any confusion or misunderstandings. If you opt for a no-host bar, make sure you clearly communicate it to your guests.

I’ll let you know what Heather decides to do. Do you have any advice for her? (She reads my blog daily and I’m sure she’d love some more feedback…)

Response Card Dilemma

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I was planning on writing about honeymoons today, but midway through my post I received an e-mail question from one of our readers. She had a great question about about wedding invitations and RSVPing:

Dear Shannon,

A few of my wedding guests are RSVP’ing with their kids who weren’t invited to the wedding! How do I tell them their children aren’t invited? I don’t want to be rude and hurt their feelings, but we are on a limited budget and can only afford to have so many people attend.

Thanks,

April

One of my favorite topics: wedding etiquette! It used to amaze me at how few people know the proper etiquette for a wedding; today I am amazed at how many actually do know how to act appropriately.

April, the best way to approach this topic is in a direct and honest manner; however, you don’t have to be the one to do it! That’s why you have bridesmaids and a maid of honor! Put them to work! Have a bridesmaid (the one who is the most tactful) call the offending guest and have her gently explain that you and your fiancé are flattered that so many people want to join you on your wedding day and that you’re disappointed you can’t accommodate everyone. Have her say that your budget simply cannot fit that many people. You are limited to how many people you can have at the wedding and reception and hope that they can attend.

It’s that simple. I’m sure once it’s explained to the offending guest, they will understand and make other arrangements for childcare. If by some chance, the offending guest is truly offensive and states that they cannot find a babysitter, then instruct the bridesmaid to be firm and simply reply with, “I’m terribly sorry to hear that. I’ll be sure to communicate to the bride and groom that you won’t be attending after all.” That may seem a little harsh, but if your guests can’t respect your financial constraints, then why would you want them at the wedding?

For those brides who have yet to send out their invitations, I have a very simple solution that will help you avoid this potential issue:

When addressing the inner envelope, be sure to include only the names of those invited and take it one step further by filling in the number of guests attending on the response card. Filling in the number of guests attending is a clear sign of how many are invited. If your guests cannot attend, they can simply cross out the number and fill it in under “not attending.”

I love visual aids so I’ve included an example of an inner envelope addressed to an entire family (if children are not invited, simply omit the names) and a response card with the number of guests invited:



For guests who actually try to include more people after an attending number has been filled in, I say escalate the issue and have the Mother of the Bride or the Mother of the Groom (depending on which side of the family the offending guest is on) contact the guest and explain who is and is not invited.

I hope this helps!

Food for Thought

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Michael and I decided to make breakfast for dinner on Sunday night. We purchased a new brand of pancake mix (the kind you buy in the bottle and just add water and shake to make). It sounded like a good idea at the time…until we both wound up sick.

This incident got me thinking about a wedding I attended a few years ago. My friend Dave ate some of the mashed potatoes and became violently ill. He threw up for an hour before we finally had to take him to the ER.

The potatoes weren’t bad nor did they have traces of salmonella or anything kooky like that. In fact, this food disaster was completely preventable. Dave is allergic to chicken and the mashed potatoes were made with chicken broth. It was a simple error that was easy to overlook.

Whether you’re having a full sit down dinner or a buffet, you may want to consider the dietary needs of your guests. Most wedding etiquette guides preach that it’s not appropriate for guests to make dietary request unless they are solicited. Guests are told to simply not eat if you serve something they can't consume or to eat something before the wedding just in case they have food allergies or religious dietary restrictions.

If you’re inviting someone to your reception, I would imagine it’s because you want them there and want them to have good time. How much fun will it be for your college roommate to starve herself because she’s allergic to wheat or for your cousin to go off her diet because you wanted everything deep fried?

A wedding reception is a party, and as a good host you should ensure all of your guests are having fun and enjoying themselves. If you are having a large receptions and can't accomodate everyone, your best bet is to choose on basic meat dish (like chicken) and one vegetarian dish (for people like Dave). A buffet is easier since you can serve a variety of foods for guests to choose from. If you're having a smaller wedding and your budget and caterer are more flexible, you can include an additional dietary card with the invitation that asks your guests to mention dietary needs.

A favorite solution of mine to communicating your menu is Wedding Menu Cards.

Wedding menu cards are heavy stock single cards that contain all of the elements of the meal, including appetizers, entrees, wines and other beverages. By including this information, your guests will know ahead of time what's being served and can communicate any issues.

Menu cards can be as basic or personal as you’d like. If your menu has sentimental meaning, you should include the reasons for your choices (e.g. we’re having steak because that’s what Scott ordered on our first date etc.).

Here are a few example menu cards. Look them over and tell me what you think:

*Note: sample Menu Cards were taken from Paper Style

Virtual Wedding Party

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I found a really great wedding planning tool this weekend. It’s the David’s Bridal Dress Your Wedding planning tool. Basically, you get to play dress up online!

The tool allows you to create an entire wedding party so you can get a visual glimpse of how the bridal party will look. I spent a couple of hours with it this morning and while the models don’t allow you truly personalize the party, it gives you enough to get a big picture idea of what the party will look like.

Here’s what you can do with the tool:

1) Create Wedding Party Member
You can add and edit each member of the wedding party including:
- Bride
- Bridesmaid
- Junior Bridesmaid
- Flower girl
- Mother of the Bride
- Mother of the Groom
- Groom
- Groomsman
- Ringbearer
- Father of the Bride
- Father of the Groom

Once you select a party member, you can customize each member by choosing a specific body size, facial feature, skin tone, hair style, and hair color.

2) Customize Party Members
After you have created a wedding party member, you can add another wedding member or edit your existing members.

For female party members:
- Dress (style and color)
- Headpiece
- Veil
- Jewelry
- Shoes (style and color)
- Handbag
- Gloves
- Sashes
- Flowers
- Wraps and more
- Pins

For male party members:
- Tuxedo
- Shirt
- Vest
- Shoes
- Boutonnieres

As you can see from the above picture, I had fun putting mine together! Check it out and tell me what you think of it!

What’s Your Philosophy?

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The 2008 Olympic Games began today. Maybe it’s just me, but the Olympic Games give me hope. I like to believe that all political agendas are put aside and the games are nothing more than an international multi-sport event where top athletics around the world compete. I don’t think of corporate sponsorships or contract renewals – instead I focus on the simple joy of the sports.

Being in this heightened sentimental mood, I decided that today would be a good day for me to discuss one of my absolute favorite skincare product lines. Philosophy.

Not only are their products amazing, the company offers daily renewals of hope. Taken directly from their website:

Philosophy is a lifestyle brand that celebrates feeling well and living joyously. Endorsed by doctors, celebrities, and most importantly our customers, philosophy wants to inspire you to live a better life by being better to yourself. We offer you a lifestyle makeover that celebrates the idea that there is only one you in this world and that you must honor your existence.

In addition to having fantastic products, their packaging is inspiring. Each product has its own philosophy. Here are a few examples:

Product Name: handmade hand cream
Product Philosophy: create with your hands, heal with your hands, touch with your hands, work with your hands, extend your hands and pray with your hands.

Product Name: hope in a jar, world-famous moisturizer
Product Philosophy: where there is hope, there can be faith. where there is faith, miracles can occur.

Product Name: shear splendor extra silky daily conditioner
Product Philosophy: too often we are conditioned to believe that splendor comes from only the big events or the roller-coaster rides. yet, the truest splendor is often ignited by the tiny spark of a child's innocent smile, by laughing with friends, or by the daily ritual of falling in love over and over, aging with the same person. discover your splendor in the reality of what is simple, what is pure, and what is real.

Product Name: amazing grace, spray fragrance
Product Philosophy: how you climb up the mountain is just as important as how you get down the mountain. and so it is with life, which for many of us become one big gigantic test followed by one big gigantic lesson. in the end, it all comes down to one word. grace. it's how you accept winning and losing, good luck and bad luck, the darkness and the light.

Product Name: soul owner, exfoliating foot cream
Product Philosophy: let's review your only true assets. you own your values, your integrity, your thoughts, your words, your actions and therefore, your destiny. question: are you proud of what you own? what is your true net worth to the world and the people around you? are you really rich or do you just have money?

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So, what does this have to do with weddings? Well, it just so happens that Philosophy has a fantastic gift set for brides (and their products also makes great bridesmaid gifts!). Take a few moments to browse their site and allow yourself to become inspired.

Have a great weekend!

Master of the Wedding

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I was thinking about Bridezillas today. It simply amazes me at how many women completely freak out and demand absolute control over "their day." This, of course, got the literary geek in me to ponder female archetypes, which naturally led to The Wife of Bath from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales.

For those unfamiliar with The Canterbury Tales and, specifically, the Wife of Bath’s Tale, here’s a little history lesson:

The Canterbury Tales was written in the fourteenth century; it is a collection of stories written by Geoffrey Chaucer. The frame story begins with a group of medieval pilgrims who are making a pilgrimage from London to Canterbury to pay their respects to the shrine of Saint Thomas Becket at Canterbury Cathedral. The group of pilgrims represented all classes and stations including a monk, a carpenter, a knight, a sailor, and a housewife (among others).

When the group of pilgrims stops at an Inn for the night, the host of the pilgrimage suggests that they tell stories to each other to pass the time during their journey to Canterbury. Everyone agrees to this idea and further agree that host should determine the best story among all the pilgrims; the winner will then have his/her expenses for the journey paid by the rest of the group.

The Wife of Bath’s Tale is set in King Arthur’s court. It begins with a knight of the court raping a young woman in a field. When brought before the king, the knight is told that the offense is punishable by death. The queen then asks for mercy on his behalf and the king decides to allow the queen to sentence the knight.

The queen tells the knight that in order to save his own life he must answer her one simple question: more than anything else, what do women want? She gives him one year to find the answer. He agrees to return in one year with the queen’s warning that if he fails to satisfy her with and sufficient answer, he will surrender his life.

The knight spends the next year asking his question every maiden he encounters; every single one of them answers with something different. Defeated, the knight begins making his way back to the queen to tell her he has failed and is prepared to forfeit his life.

Upon entering a meadow, he sees a group of women dancing. As he draws closer, they disappear and he is met by on ugly old hag. He asks her for help. She agrees to tell him the answer to his question if he promises to grant her a request. Desperate, he agrees to the hag’s condition.

Upon returning to the court, the knight answers the queen that what women want above all else is, “to have the sovereignty as well upon their husband as their love, and to have mastery their man above." The queen is satisfied with his answer and pardons him. Soon after, the hag announces that she helped save the knight and that he owes her a favor in return; she claims that she wants the knight to marry her. The knight protests, but the queen grants the hag her request.

Later, the hag and the knight are discussing his unhappiness with the arrangement. Finally, the hag gives him a choice: she will be ugly and faithful or beautiful and unfaithful. After careful consideration, he gives the choice to her to become whatever would bring the most happiness. Satisfied with her mastery over her husband, the hag chooses to become beautiful and faithful.

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I find it fascinating at how little things have changed since the 14th century. I don’t know if I would go as far to say that all women want mastery over their husbands - I think many women simply want independence and the prerogative to make their own decisions.

Bridezillas, on the other hand, seem to subscribe to the thought process of the Wife of Bath. They think that men are to be dominated and controlled; those that refute this idea claim that the wedding is the one time she gets to be "princess for the day" in order to justify her behavior.

If Brides want to be a true princess for the day, they should look to the lesson of the queen in the Wife of Bath's story. In her royal wisdom, she showed compassion towards the knight and encouraged him to seek out a truth that she already knew.

Bridezillas can take a que from the queen and realize that they need not be the sole master of the wedding (or the marriage for that matter). Instead, they should seek out to understand what their future husbands want and realize that the planning of their wedding is the perfect opportunity to not only learn about his desires but to establish a precedence of how decisions will be made throughout the marriage.

What do you think?

No Small Favor

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One of the most enjoyable things about a wedding is the details. By paying attention to the details of a wedding, you can learn a lot about a couple and their personality. What kind of invitation did they select? What are their colors? What style cake do they have? What’s their song? What kind of favors are they giving away?

Of all the little details involved with weddings, I think the favors are one of my favorite things. I don’t necessarily have an obsession with miniatures per se, I just really like wedding favors. Hmm maybe it dates back to my days of playing with Barbie dolls? Regardless of the reason, I love how wedding favors can add that little extra touch to tie the theme of a wedding together.

While looking at different wedding favors, I came across a site, To You a Favor , that I wanted to share with you. One of the things that I really like about the site is its ease of use. It’s not cluttered with overwhelming graphics or a lot of heavy flash animation. Right at the top of the page, there are links and a powerful search feature that help you find exactly what you’re looking for.

Naturally, the first predefined search that caught my eye was “Brides & Bridesmaids Gifts." I love the Pink Polka Purse Manicure Set and the Weekender Tote Bag! Okay, okay, back to the wedding favors…

What I really like about this site is that they have favors that are fun and useful gifts. I love the useful aspect of wedding favors. Don’t get me wrong, I like cute little favors as much of the next person, but, as a guest, I really want a wedding favor that I can actually use. While I apprecaite a pewter penguin place card holder and think it's adorable, how often am I really going to use Mr. Penguin in my day to day life?

Check out the following favors. They are fun and better yet - they have more practical applications:

Love Glass Coaster Gift Set with Ribbon and Thank You Tag
(A Slice of Love) Stainless-Steel Pizza Cutter in Miniature Pizza Box
(The Gratest Love of All) Stainless-Steel Cheese Grater in Showcase Gift Box
(To Have & To Hold) Set of Four Magnets in Classic Refrigerator Tin

Okay, I could go on and on with links - there are a lot of really great finds on this site! Check it out and tell me what you think!

Happy shopping!

Weighing In

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I hopped on the scale this morning and discovered that I lost 3 lbs from last week. I’m not sure how that happened since I wasn’t really trying to lose weight. This got me thinking about today’s blog. I know a lot of brides worry about their weight.

I wanted to create an inspirational post about loving yourself no matter what your size, but then I remembered the last wedding I was in and how I worried about looking good in the bridesmaid dress. So, I decided the purpose of today’s blog would be to inform.

Whether you have 5 lbs or 50 lbs to lose, there are a lot of different weight-loss plans to choose from. As if planning a wedding isn’t stressful enough – now you have to worry about which weight-loss plan fits into your life?

Although I’m not a nutritionist, dietician, or physician and I can’t suggest or recommend a weight-loss plan, I am the Virtual Bridesmaid and I can do what all good bridesmaids should do – help with research and provide you with options so you can make an informed decision. I selected five popular diets to review:

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Program name: Atkins Diet
Overview: Processed and starchy carbohydrates create weight gain
Encouraged foods: beef, pork, chicken, eggs, cheese, salad greens
Forbidden foods: bread, grains, cereal, fruit, juice,
Alcohol: No alcohol during the two-week induction phase. After that, it’s okay in moderation.
Dining out concerns: It’s very easy to eat out with this program
Best suited for: Brides who are meat lovers. If you can do without carbohydrates, this is the plan for you!
Weekly estimated cost: There aren’t any specialty foods to purchase or membership fees, so you only need to pay for the cost of food. Since you are purchasing a lot of meat, your grocery bill will be on the higher end.
Possible pitfalls: Once off the plan, if you eat carbs, expect to put on a few pounds. This plan can be hard to stick with because it’s so restrictive.

Program name: Jenny Craig
Overview: Low-calorie diet, exercise, and behavioral modification
Encouraged foods: Jenny Craig prepackaged cuisines
Forbidden foods: Non-Jenny foods (i.e. home cooked meals, fast food, packaged grocery-store foods
Alcohol: Limited quantities (2 drinks or fewer each week)
Dining out concerns: Very difficult. Since you are eating prepackaged meals, dining out (in the beginning) is a challenge
Best suited for: Brides don't have a lot of time to think about what they can and cannot eat. The food has gotten great reviews for taste and convenience.
Weekly estimated cost: $110.00 - $170.00 (includes cost of JC cuisine and weekly groceries)
Possible pitfalls: All meals are pre-packed highly processed foods. This makes dining out problematic. Also, with a limited amount of food items, it may be easy to get bored.

Program name: Nutrisystems
Overview: Low-calorie diet. The Nutrisystem diet is based around the glycemic index
Encouraged foods: Nutrisystems prepackaged cuisines
Forbidden foods: Non- Nutrisystems foods (i.e. home cooked meals, fast food, packaged grocery-store foods
Alcohol: None allowed.
Dining out concerns: Very difficult. Since you are eating prepackaged meals, you cannot eat out (unless you bring your food with you)
Best suited for: Brides who don't have a lot of time to think about what they can and cannot eat and cannot afford Jenny Craig.
Weekly estimated cost: $90.00 - $120.00 (includes cost of food and weekly groceries)
Possible pitfalls: Food is terrible. (Yes, I have tasted it.) All meals are pre-packed highly processed foods. This makes dining out problematic.

Program name: Southbeach Diet
Overview: Gets rid of bad fats and carbs
Encouraged foods: Lean meats, whole grains, high fiber fruits and vegetables
Forbidden foods: Potatoes, white bread, pasta (dairy in Phase 1)
Alcohol: In moderation. Wine is favored over beer.
Dining out concerns: It’s very easy to eat out on this plan. You can order anything off the menu as long as it’s in the guidelines.
Best suited for: Brides who want to try a limit their carbs but also want to incorporate fruits and vegetables into their diet
Weekly estimated cost: There aren’t any specialty foods to purchase or membership fees, so you only need to pay for the cost of food. The first week is the most restrictive (no carbs, fruits or vegetables) so you may spend more since you will be eating more meat.
Possible pitfalls: Phase 1 is the hardest. If you can make it through that phase, it should be fairly easy to stick with.

Program name: Weight Watchers
Overview: Consume fewer calories than you expend. Depending on your weight and how much you wish to lose, you are given a “point balance” that you can spend as you see fit.
Encouraged foods: You can eat anything you want, provided you keep to your point budget
Forbidden foods: None. You can eat anything you want, provided you keep to your point budget
Alcohol: You can drink anything you want, provided you keep to your point budget
Dining out concerns: It’s very easy to eat out on this plan. You can order anything off the menu as long as it’s in the point budget; just make sure you know the point value of items.
Best suited for: Brides who want a lot of flexibility and can track everything they consume in a day.
Weekly estimated cost: $5.00 - $7.00 per week for online membership or meetings
Possible pitfalls: Because no food is off limits, brides may find it harder to lose weight if they’re still making poor choices. Sure, you can have Big Mac every day, but is that as wise as having a grilled chicken breast over a salad and saving those other points for other foods like fruit and popcorn?

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The primary reason that most diets fail is because people give up on them. Select the plan that will best fit into your lifestyle and budget. If you do that, you should experience success. And remember, at the end of the day, size does not determine your value or your worth. What matters is how you feel about yourself.

I look forward to your feedback…

Back to the Bouquet

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Last week I discussed the tradition of throwing the bridal bouquet and I offered an alternative solution to this ritual. A reader asked:

“So, in the meantime, while the rest of us are still attending weddings of friends and family who DO like to put their single friends on display, how do you tactfully handle the situation? Without seeming desperate, or like a stick in the mud? Any suggestions?”

While I’d like to think that every bride will agree not to humiliate the single women at the reception with a bouquet toss, I supposed I need to be realistic and acknowledge that many brides will still continue to throw their bridal bouquets.

If you are single and find yourself at a wedding reception where the bride is throwing a bouquet, be a good sport and participate in the event for the bride's sake. Imagine her feelings if no one was there to catch her bouquet.

When the event is announced:
· Don’t disappear
· Don’t be coy and make others pull you to the group
· Don’t be too overzealous
· Don’t’ make a scene
· Don’t cross your arms
· Don’t scowl or roll your eyes
· Don’t hide in the back (unless you’re taller than the other women)

As you walk to the “single gal circle:”
· Be graceful and walk with purpose
· Hold your head high
· Smile

While waiting for the bouquet to be tossed:
· Remember the bride’s feelings
· Smile
· Encourage the bride
· Laugh and enjoy the moment

As soon as the bouquet is thrown:
· Maintain your position
· If it’s coming towards you, make an effort to catch it.
· If it’s not coming towards you, don’t dive/jump/leap for it; allow someone else to have it
· Smile

The event will be over before you know it. Just keep in mind that this event is meant to be fun, so relax and enjoy it! (...And plot ways to get even with the bride) ;)