Response Card Dilemma

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I was planning on writing about honeymoons today, but midway through my post I received an e-mail question from one of our readers. She had a great question about about wedding invitations and RSVPing:

Dear Shannon,

A few of my wedding guests are RSVP’ing with their kids who weren’t invited to the wedding! How do I tell them their children aren’t invited? I don’t want to be rude and hurt their feelings, but we are on a limited budget and can only afford to have so many people attend.

Thanks,

April

One of my favorite topics: wedding etiquette! It used to amaze me at how few people know the proper etiquette for a wedding; today I am amazed at how many actually do know how to act appropriately.

April, the best way to approach this topic is in a direct and honest manner; however, you don’t have to be the one to do it! That’s why you have bridesmaids and a maid of honor! Put them to work! Have a bridesmaid (the one who is the most tactful) call the offending guest and have her gently explain that you and your fiancé are flattered that so many people want to join you on your wedding day and that you’re disappointed you can’t accommodate everyone. Have her say that your budget simply cannot fit that many people. You are limited to how many people you can have at the wedding and reception and hope that they can attend.

It’s that simple. I’m sure once it’s explained to the offending guest, they will understand and make other arrangements for childcare. If by some chance, the offending guest is truly offensive and states that they cannot find a babysitter, then instruct the bridesmaid to be firm and simply reply with, “I’m terribly sorry to hear that. I’ll be sure to communicate to the bride and groom that you won’t be attending after all.” That may seem a little harsh, but if your guests can’t respect your financial constraints, then why would you want them at the wedding?

For those brides who have yet to send out their invitations, I have a very simple solution that will help you avoid this potential issue:

When addressing the inner envelope, be sure to include only the names of those invited and take it one step further by filling in the number of guests attending on the response card. Filling in the number of guests attending is a clear sign of how many are invited. If your guests cannot attend, they can simply cross out the number and fill it in under “not attending.”

I love visual aids so I’ve included an example of an inner envelope addressed to an entire family (if children are not invited, simply omit the names) and a response card with the number of guests invited:



For guests who actually try to include more people after an attending number has been filled in, I say escalate the issue and have the Mother of the Bride or the Mother of the Groom (depending on which side of the family the offending guest is on) contact the guest and explain who is and is not invited.

I hope this helps!