Table for Two, Please

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A few of years ago I attended a wedding simply as a guest. For the first time in a while, I had no involvement in the wedding whatsoever. I didn’t help plan it, I wasn’t a bridesmaid, heck – I didn’t even have to do the guest book registry. I was looking forward to being a spectator and simply enjoying the festivities for the day.

Upon arriving to the reception site, the first thing that that I noticed was the prominent display of the Head Table. It truly was the focal point of the entire room – it was draped in white linen and flowers on a raised platform with several spot lights to draw more attention to the table. It was grotesque.

I immediately made my way to the bar and ordered a drink. Cocktail in hand, I set out to find my assigned table, still marveling at the Head Table. Upon finding Table #9, I instantly noticed who else was seated at my table - the three ushers. I soon learned the others at my table consisted of two wives of the groomsmen, one of the bridesmaid’s husbands, and a boyfriend of a bridesmaid.

As soon as the wedding party arrived and took their seats at the Head Table, you could see the annoyance on the faces of those at my table. Trying to lighten the mood, I smiled broadly and asked everyone how they were enjoying the wedding. My question was met by sullen grumbles. After making a few runs to the bar to ensure the cocktails were flowing freely at Table 9, everyone started to loosen up a little and speak freely.

The mood at my table was not very festive. It seemed everyone was fixated on the Head Table and those at Table #9 were even more engrossed with the display, seeing as they had loved ones who were sitting up there. Table 9 was actually resentful of the Head Table!

The wives of the groomsmen were irritated that their husbands were sitting next to other women, not them, and enjoying the reception. I tried to remind them that these “other women” were merely bridesmaids and their husbands were just fulfilling their wedding party duties – my comments fell on deaf ears. I recall one of them saying, “Watching them up there makes me feel like I’m a peasant viewing a royal party. They get to eat before everyone else, they only talk with each other, they have their drinks served to them while I have to go the bar, and they dance with each other before everyone else gets to dance. It’s like a caste system.”

I did my best "party-girl act" to keep the conversation flowing and the mood light but I couldn’t help but sympathize. Having been a bridesmaid being separated from my date, and being a separated date of a groomsman, I can attest it’s not a fun way to spend the reception. However, the bride and the groom are entitled to celebrate their day in whatever way they see fit. By the time everyone started dancing, all had been forgotten. Both of the groomsmen brought their chairs over to Table 9 and the bridesmaids and their dates found camp at another table.

I didn’t really give the “Head Table Caste System” much more thought until I attended the wedding reception of my friends, Elizabeth and Tim. Unlike Shelly, Elizabeth and Tim opted to have a table for two as their Head Table. No bridesmaids, no groomsmen - just the bride and the groom.

As I looked over at Elizabeth and Tim during the reception, it was charming to see them dining alone. I almost felt voyeuristic as I watched them exchange smiles and kisses, but watching them alone together gave more meaning the day. It wasn’t a show or parade, I got to witness my two friends, who are deeply in love, celebrate their union. It was tender, romantic, and sincere.

The bride and groom sitting alone at the Head Table is a growing trend. I, for one, am in favor of it. It allows those in the wedding party to spend time with their significant others or friends during the reception, it removes the separation between guest and wedding party member, and it places focus where it belongs – on the bride and groom.

What do you think?